DILEMMA THREE
(Continued)
My brother and sister won't offer to
help take care of Mom and Dad.
 Once the problem is clarified, the three of you can decide how to allocate and fulfill the various responsibilities. Throughout the meeting, encourage your siblings to speak with your parents and with each other. Stay out of the middle as much as possible. (If you have reservations about your ability to run this meeting, consider enlisting the help of a family therapist or a person familiar with elder issues to serve as a neutral mediator.)
Once the plan is defined, work out a way for everyone to keep in touch so that adjustments can be made to the plan when necessary. Weekly calls and monthly family meetings might be a good way to do this. Once a caregiving rhythm is set up, these calls and meetings can be made on an as-needed basis.
6. Evaluate your progress.
There are many ways to determine how things are going. One is to ask your parents. Another is to use your visits to get a firsthand look. Try to get everyone involved in troubleshooting problems as they arise. Even if your plan is working, you may need to explore other options as your parents' needs change.
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